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1160

deserve is the opposite of serve

Although technically, “there is a number you can call to get the settlement you may deserve” doesn’t guarantee a settlement, it just states that getting a settlement will be your goal when you call. In which case it could be true of any number, if you call it with settlements in mind.

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1159

My refrigerator magically changes soda into pop

Stargate also has a lot of scene changes like that. They drive me nuts.

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1158

yet more consequences of ACTUALLY taking the Bible literally

My comics, like a hedgehog, also have many points.

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1157

april eels

No April Fool joke today. I got all my April Fool stuff out of the way a week and a half early, because I AM A TIME TRAVELER AND I DO IT WHENEVER I WANT.

Can we make March 20th “National Daleks Invade Wal-Mart Day”? Every Wal-Mart has the basic materials: dome-topped trash cans, plungers, whisks, and belts. And you don’t have to damage, or even unpackage, any of these items in order to start the invasion– you just have to creatively rearrange them. There is no law against it. And most Wal-Marts’ customer service is such that you can make a whole bunch of Daleks without anyone disturbing you.

Although, I would consider the invasion successful if it resulted in Wal-Mart adding an official amendment to their store policies, specifically prohibiting the construction of Daleks on their premises. Because that would just be awesome.

daleks daleks

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1156

wow, my spellcheck dictionary actually HAS 'deicide'... makes me so angry about the words it doesn't have

Of course, there are multiple problems with Abby’s reasoning. Making a decision doesn’t really imply you have free will– you could be programmed to make that decision. And religion has come up with a lot of answers to that particular free will argument. And going by all I know about prefixes and suffixes, God-killing would be called “deicide” and not “decide.” But Abby will break any rule for a pun.

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1155

Freud, with its German meaning, is the best-ever name for a member of a profession devoted to making people happier.

Granted, I’m going by my vague memories of reading Freud’s Interpretation of Dreams a long time ago. His thoughts were probably more complex than this.

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1154

misery is funny

A few sitcoms have actually managed this. I like “Malcolm in the Middle” for this very reason: there is no dualism; every character is absolutely insane, and yet every character is also sympathetic and likable. In contrast, “Everybody Loves Raymond” and “The King of Queens” always leave me depressed at the thought of a wife staying with a husband who is so dishonest, self-absorbed, and devoid of any behaviors that suggest he actually loves her.

So does “The Simpsons,” for that matter, although it’s mitigated by the animated medium, which makes it seem less real.

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1153

Totally autobiographical comic.


In case you care, this is my will. And no, I’m not planning any Dada suicides. I may be insane, but I at least want people to think I’m sane when deciding whether my will is valid.

And now I’m getting paranoid that I’m going to die in some freaky accident that looks like a suicide. I have the most bizarre fears.

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1152

I'm writing this on Feb 1. If the Dow actually HAS gone down 100 points this week, I'm going to start playing the stock market.

Yes, Tao and Dow are pretty much homophones.

In other news: Remember when I was looking for a proofreader for “Kea’s Flight”? Well, I’m looking for a proofreader again.

This time, I’ve put together a collection of short stories called “If the World Ended, Would I Notice?” and I’m hoping to have it self-published before Machine of Death 2 comes out. I have a story in Machine of Death 2, and it’ll be nice if people who like that story can look me up and go “Ooh, she has some other short stories too? I wanna read them!”

The new collection is mostly science fiction and fantasy. It is about 350 pages or so, and is aimed at adults who might enjoy Machine of Death (some swearing, some sexy themes, a few dark and violent themes). I’m interested to see people’s reaction to it.

People who help me with it will have their names included on the dedication page, as with Kea’s Flight. If you help me enough, you might even get a free copy if you want. Email me at humanalien at gmail dot com, or voice your interest in a comment here on Abby and Norma.

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1151

 love muffins

See a penny, pick it up, and all the day you’ll have good luck. (I prefer the “see a pin and pick it up” version, because that one actually makes some sense– a pin on the ground could poke someone in the foot, so of course leaving it there is unlucky.)

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