Abby didn’t actually tell any lies here. She does not have a dirty, parasite-ridden wild bird (Polyphemus takes about eight baths a day, has been checked and cleared of feather-mites, and is very tame). The hall director is seeing and hearing things (how real those things are is not the question). And Abby really is glad that he’s leaving to see a doctor, because she was worried about him (though perhaps not for the reason he thinks).
I don’t think Polyphemus told any lies either (though his definition of “service animal” may be a stretch).
TEXT OF COMIC:
I’m here about some complaints I’ve been hearing about your dorm.
There are rumors that you’ve been keeping some sort of dirty, parasite-ridden wild bird.
Nothing of the sort in here. Someone has been imagining stuff.
Abby, it’s sitting right there. I can see it and hear it.
Then you’re seeing things and hearing things. I suggest you go to a doctor and get your eyes and ears checked.
I don’t need to remind you that all pets except service animals are strictly forbidden in this building.
Actually, I am Abby’s service animal.
Abby suffers from social disabilities.
She is not comfortable talking to you.
So I talk for her.
Please direct all questions to me.
Can we reschedule this conversation? I have to make a doctor’s appointment.
Good to see you looking after your health. I was worried about you.
How on earth did you train him to say all that?
The trick is to train each phrase separately, with its own subtle command gesture and surreptitiously-awarded treat.
MOUSEOVER TEXT: the treats are dried mealworms from the reptile section of the pet store