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cow nipples are the only ones valued for their biological purpose

This was inspired by seeing the March 2015 issue of People magazine at a checkout lane, with Kelly Clarkson and her topless underage daughter, River Rose, on the cover. (After the shock of seeing naked baby boobs, my next reaction was admiration for Clarkson’s choice to name the kid after two Doctor Who companions.)

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1485

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this is somewhat based on a phase of my own childhood

When telling a child “Equality is good,” always remember to add the disclaimer “Unless it involves considering other animals equal in value to humans; then you’ll probably end up considering the human species to be a bunch of mass-murdering monsters and rooting for anyone who wants to kill them.”

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1483

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the treats are dried mealworms from the reptile section of the pet store

Abby didn’t actually tell any lies here. She does not have a dirty, parasite-ridden wild bird (Polyphemus takes about eight baths a day, has been checked and cleared of feather-mites, and is very tame). The hall director is seeing and hearing things (how real those things are is not the question). And Abby really is glad that he’s leaving to see a doctor, because she was worried about him (though perhaps not for the reason he thinks).

I don’t think Polyphemus told any lies either (though his definition of “service animal” may be a stretch).

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1481

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and his understanding of that fact demonstrates his intelligence

His exclamation of “FRELL YOU!” was not in response to Abby’s assertion that anecdotes don’t constitute proof of avian intelligence; rather, it was in response to this whole conversation about him in third person when he was right there. How rude!

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Patreon!

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Latest news: I’m starting a Patreon!

It will be live as soon as I gather enough feedback from fans about whether all the goals and perks look good. Go here, or click the Patreon tab at the top of the page, to see what I’ve got so far!

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