Here is my own gingerbread house recipe, made up entirely by myself two years ago. If anyone else claims to have made a similar one by the time this comic posts, I have a whole family of witnesses who can attest that I sent them this house in a Christmas package in the mail during December of 2011. (Yes, it can be sent in the mail without breaking, it is THAT AWESOME.)
And don’t pay me any royalties if you use this recipe. It’s my gift to you. I insist.
Solid Gingerbread Cookie House
Unlike most gingerbread houses, this house doesn’t fall apart as you try to set it up– and it looks a bit more like a real house, too. A log cabin, maybe.
Plus, it has more total gingerbread in it than those hollow houses. Yum.
For Cookie Dough
6 cups flour
2 cups butter
2 cups light brown sugar
1 tbsp baking soda
0.5 tsp salt
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground cloves
2 tbsp ground ginger
3 tbsp molasses
3 cups powdered sugar
0.5 cup water
0.5 cup flour
Assorted small candies
Microwave and oven
Measuring cups and measuring spoons
Large bowl and fork for mixing
Two large flat cookie sheets
Extra-light olive oil
Microwaveable bowl and fork to stir
Knife, and ruler to measure pieces
Toothpicks and butter knives for decorating
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
Melt butter in microwave. Mix all cookie ingredients in a large bowl.
Flatten dough out on cookie sheets, about half an inch thick, after greasing the sheets with oil.
Cut into 14 rectangles. Each should be 4 inches long. Ten of them should be 3 inches wide each. Of the remaining four, two should be 1 inch wide, and two should be 0.5 inch wide. (Feel free to experiment with different sizes and quantities; the recipe makes more than you’ll need. Use any extra dough for gingerbread cookies.)
Bake for 10-12 minutes.
Meanwhile, mix the powdered sugar, flour and water into a paste to form the frosting.
When cookies are baked and cooled, stack eight of the 4 x 3″ rectangles horizontally in an even stack, on top of a plate, mortaring them together with the frosting. Then, continuing to use the frosting as mortar, add the 4 x 1″ rectangles, centered on top, followed by the 4 x 0.5″ rectangles, until the stack resembles a house with a pointed roof.
Mortar the two remaining 4 x 3″ rectangles on top to form both sides of the roof, resting on the ledges and leaning against each other at the peak.
Decorate the house with frosting and candy.
(Want an extra-special present? Email me at humanalien at gmail dot com. For a small extra fee for the additional shipping, and a few days of extra transit time, I’ll personally SIGN your book or t-shirt.)