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some puppets' noses grow as nothing more than a sign of nervousness

Another problem with articles like that is that lying follows trends. When it became common knowledge that liars won’t give lots of details, liars (and probably also honest people afraid of being disbelieved) started giving excessive details, to throw off that suspicion. Now that excessive details have become widely recognized as a sign of lying, the pendulum will swing the other way again. And the people who publish articles on how to recognize lying are just helping liars learn how to lie better.

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1275

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or don't count your chitlins before they're mashed

or don’t count your children before they’re snatched

Here are next weekend’s comics early, to remind you about the art fairs this weekend, and also to announce my latest big news.

My birthday is coming up– on June 1, I’ll be 32 (100,000 in binary)! Here’s what I’m doing to celebrate… a little early, but hey, it’s my birthday, I can do what I want.

My short story collection, If the World Ended, Would I Notice?, is published and available for purchase.

Ever since my story “Furnace” was accepted to the second Machine of Death collection, I’ve been thinking about publishing more short stories. They say the short story is dying out, but that doesn’t make sense, does it? Our attention spans are shortening with every generation. We have less and less time to work reading into our schedules. If anything, modern people should be gobbling up short stories like crazy, and the success of the first Machine of Death collection certainly suggests they are, or at least can be induced to.

If the World Ended, Would I Notice? is a collage of extremely varied short fiction, collected from various temporal and psychological parts of my life as an author. It’s a grab bag that should appeal to the same sort of audience that loves Machine of Death: some stories are fluffy and silly, some dark and violent, some sexy, some just plain over-the-top weird and creative.

There are 14 stories in total, including one novella of 94 pages. Some are fantasy, some are science fiction, some can’t figure out what they are. All have elements of otherworldliness, born of my alien mind.

The cover art is an adaptation of the phase-one painting of my “Earth to Erika” triptych: the painting in which I portray myself disconnected from Earth, having not yet begun to make contact with it. Several of these stories had their roots in my earlier, lonelier life, before John, before the whole author-artist-and-speaker gig. This doesn’t mean they’re all depressing, but it does mean their view of the world is perhaps more alien than anything else I’ve published.

If books had movie-style ratings, this one wouldn’t be G. There’s a fair quantity of swearing, violence and sexual themes, but I wouldn’t say they dominate the book. I’d say the overriding theme of the book is curiosity, and the exploration of the strange. It’s not for children, but it may be for adults who have retained some of the drives of childhood.

Read the beginning of one of the stories

—–

BUY:

Kindle Nook

Paperback PDF

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1274

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should be a national holiday

Pistachios are nuts in the culinary sense, but not in the botanical sense, because they split open naturally to reveal the seed.

Here are next weekend’s comics early, to remind you about the art fairs this weekend, and also to announce my latest big news.

My birthday is coming up– on June 1, I’ll be 32 (100,000 in binary)! Here’s what I’m doing to celebrate… a little early, but hey, it’s my birthday, I can do what I want.

My short story collection, If the World Ended, Would I Notice?, is published and available for purchase.

Ever since my story “Furnace” was accepted to the second Machine of Death collection, I’ve been thinking about publishing more short stories. They say the short story is dying out, but that doesn’t make sense, does it? Our attention spans are shortening with every generation. We have less and less time to work reading into our schedules. If anything, modern people should be gobbling up short stories like crazy, and the success of the first Machine of Death collection certainly suggests they are, or at least can be induced to.

If the World Ended, Would I Notice? is a collage of extremely varied short fiction, collected from various temporal and psychological parts of my life as an author. It’s a grab bag that should appeal to the same sort of audience that loves Machine of Death: some stories are fluffy and silly, some dark and violent, some sexy, some just plain over-the-top weird and creative.

There are 14 stories in total, including one novella of 94 pages. Some are fantasy, some are science fiction, some can’t figure out what they are. All have elements of otherworldliness, born of my alien mind.

The cover art is an adaptation of the phase-one painting of my “Earth to Erika” triptych: the painting in which I portray myself disconnected from Earth, having not yet begun to make contact with it. Several of these stories had their roots in my earlier, lonelier life, before John, before the whole author-artist-and-speaker gig. This doesn’t mean they’re all depressing, but it does mean their view of the world is perhaps more alien than anything else I’ve published.

If books had movie-style ratings, this one wouldn’t be G. There’s a fair quantity of swearing, violence and sexual themes, but I wouldn’t say they dominate the book. I’d say the overriding theme of the book is curiosity, and the exploration of the strange. It’s not for children, but it may be for adults who have retained some of the drives of childhood.

Read the beginning of one of the stories

—–

BUY:

Kindle Nook

Paperback PDF

Continue reading

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1273

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There's an alternate version of this story in Jewish folklore, which ALSO fits with Charlotte being a pig rights activist

Draw Muhammad Day was a stupid idea, really. You can’t draw Muhammad– it’s impossible, because you don’t know what he looked like. You could draw a picture and SAY it was a picture of Muhammad, but it wouldn’t be, unless you were ridiculously lucky.

In any case, this comic is absolutely not intended to insult Muhammad. It’s intended to celebrate Charlotte, because she is awesome. I don’t consider myself religious, but if God exists, I fully believe he would choose her to be the spider who saved Muhammad’s life, even if he had to pull her out of a different part of the timestream and maybe an alternate reality.

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1272

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I'm starting to doubt whether Abby's mom is happy having children herself.

Not a bug, but a feature.

Speaking of bugs and features, the Cafepress glitchiness I mentioned before has inspired me to explore other options. I thought I should let you know that there is now a Redbubble shop for Abby and Norma, in addition to a Cafepress shop! I’ve added a bunch of new designs there. They include:

Pokebirds

Repel Photons

Kill Photons

Everything Happens for a Reason

Maggots are Repulsive,

Vowels are Odd,

Clothes-Wearers,
and

Burning Pollutes.

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1271

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 Weirdly, as of the time I write this, that meaning isn't on the Wikipedia disambiguation page for C4.

Ever since I’ve started working in the pharmacy, I have seen so many weird names for medications. It’s a language lover’s dream (if by “dream” you mean “bizarre, surreal world.”)

But nitroglycerin isn’t a weird made-up name, it’s actually the same stuff as the explosive, just prepared differently and in much smaller doses.

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1270

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 apparently both horses and bulls are not very good at pulling carts in that song

My dad used to add his own lines into that song. “Gonna buy you a mockingbird/ And if the wildlife protection agency takes it…”

I’ve added a whole bunch of new designs to the Abby and Norma Cafepress Shop and the Abby and Norma Redbubble Shop! Go check them out!

They include: Pokebirds, Repel Photons, Kill Photons, Everything Happens for a Reason, and Maggots are Repulsive.

Note: The Cafepress site can be glitchy, so let me know if there are any errors like the wrong image appearing on a product’s listing, or a shirt being available in colors that don’t work with it (the “This Shirt Kills Photons on Contact” shirt is only supposed to be available in black!)

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